I know it seems that I am the queen of inconsistent blogging, but...
I'm learning lots of things about my God, myself, and my purpose and vision as well as new things about blogging.
More coming soon...not sure when, but soon.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
On being "faithfully home"
Yesterday was my 26th birthday. Lately I've been reflecting on who I was ten years ago compared to who I am today. The life I live is not the life that my sixteen year old self envisioned. Being home is an act of faith and obedience for me, and one that requires a great deal of help from the Lord.
I once sought after the praise of this world and measured my worth by the world's standards. Though I now am confident that there is a better way, I still struggle with wanting to be validated according to the things of the world. When I feel like a failure in my job at home (and I do...often), I feel pulled away and battle the inexplicable desire to be even more in the world. I start to long for the things the world values instead of remembering what is valuable in the eyes of the Lord. I convince myself that I need to leave my home and my children to pursue the fleeting things that the world offers. I have even had those feelings validated by godly people during those times.
Yet in His grace He calls me back. He leads me home.
The worse my anxiety is about my shortcomings as a wife, mother and homemaker, the stronger the pull back home becomes. He convicts me more, plants my feet more firmly into this calling. My Heavenly Father turns my heart back toward Him and reminds me that my worth is found in Christ alone. He reminds me that I cannot do this alone.
He reminds me that it is not about my glory but His, and that His approval is the only kind worth seeking.
Precious souls entrusted to my care
*disclaimer - I don't want mothers who have a calling outside of the home to take offense to this. This is about me and my calling. I think there are legitimate reasons for a mother to work, but i believe that the things I struggle with do not fall into that category.
I once sought after the praise of this world and measured my worth by the world's standards. Though I now am confident that there is a better way, I still struggle with wanting to be validated according to the things of the world. When I feel like a failure in my job at home (and I do...often), I feel pulled away and battle the inexplicable desire to be even more in the world. I start to long for the things the world values instead of remembering what is valuable in the eyes of the Lord. I convince myself that I need to leave my home and my children to pursue the fleeting things that the world offers. I have even had those feelings validated by godly people during those times.
Yet in His grace He calls me back. He leads me home.
The worse my anxiety is about my shortcomings as a wife, mother and homemaker, the stronger the pull back home becomes. He convicts me more, plants my feet more firmly into this calling. My Heavenly Father turns my heart back toward Him and reminds me that my worth is found in Christ alone. He reminds me that I cannot do this alone.
He reminds me that it is not about my glory but His, and that His approval is the only kind worth seeking.
Precious souls entrusted to my care*disclaimer - I don't want mothers who have a calling outside of the home to take offense to this. This is about me and my calling. I think there are legitimate reasons for a mother to work, but i believe that the things I struggle with do not fall into that category.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
You're the God of this city...
For the past week I have been wondering what I would say when I finally got the chance to write about the events of May 22nd and the days that have followed. Every experience is unique and everyone copes differently. I personally lost nothing in the tornado, but I have gained much in the days since.
Around 5pm on Sunday evening I was texting a friend whose children I was watching. I wanted to make sure she knew that there was a tornado warning for our area. Our friends pulled into the driveway just as I was preparing for all of us to take shelter in one of our bathrooms. None of us had any idea what was really coming our way. Our friends actually left because they were heading north and figured they would be out of the path of the storm. Within minutes of them leaving our house the storm sirens sounded for a second time and we lost power. I later came to find out that our friends saw the tornado touch down in their rear view mirror and were luckily able to take shelter in the nearby mall. Even though they are safe I regret not making them stay. I would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to them.
The sound of the tornado was like nothing I had ever heard before. If you've never heard one, it really does sound much like a freight train, but more terrifying. Living in the Midwest, this was not my first time huddled in the bathroom, but this was definitely the first time I had ever heard that sound. I understood what was happening, but I had no idea the magnitude or how close it was to my house. I actually had Facebook up on my phone and read that the tornado was near 13th and Rangeline - a mere two blocks from our home. Within an hour I would understand how fortunate my family was that night.
When it was over Rob went outside. He came back and said that there were pieces of siding and insulation all over the yard, but none of it was from our house. He said he was going to walk to the end of the street and come back. It felt like he was gone for hours. In that time a good friend showed up at our house because he couldn't get a hold of us by phone. He asked if I knew how bad it was. I had no idea. He just said that it was really bad, and emphasized that fact by informing me that Home Depot was leveled. He told me to get our stuff together so we could head north to his house, which was unaffected by the tornado. When my husband finally came home, he told me that places I frequent for our groceries - Wal-Mart and Aldi - were destroyed. He told me about helping a badly injured woman at Sonic. He described more buildings and businesses that were gone. It would be days before I saw it with my own eyes.
In the days that have followed, we have served as best we can. My husband has been able to use his military and management experience to help set up and run a distribution center. I have baked and prayed and baked and prayed. I am blessed to be able to serve friends in my home with food, fellowship and laundry. Although I saw pictures of the devastation online and on TV and I tried to take care of people, it still wasn't real to me for several days. I still hadn't seen what had happened to my city for myself.
When I finally drove through Joplin on Thursday and saw the devastation for myself, I felt like the "bad dream" feeling I had had all week finally lifted. This was reality. My city was in ruins. My first instinct was to take my family and run away. Anyone who knows me knows that in the past I would have done anything to get out of this town. Now I wonder if I will ever be able to leave. My heart is full of love for this city. This is home. I wish it didn't take such destruction for me to realize that.
As of right now, I am still processing. I am trying to understand how my home and family could be completely spared when just a few blocks away people lost everything, some even their lives. The combination of guilt and thankfulness is strange and overwhelming. I am in awe of the love being poured out on this city from all over the country and even the world. I am blessed by seeing the response of the church. The bride of Christ is shining brightly in Joplin. There is much I don't understand, but I know that God is sovereign. His ways are not our ways, and His glory will be revealed in all of this. He has not forsaken Joplin. No, quite the opposite. He is the God of this city! That song keeps running through my mind - "Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city." Lord, let your glory be known here.
Joplin will recover. God's glory will be revealed. Greater things are yet to come, indeed.
Around 5pm on Sunday evening I was texting a friend whose children I was watching. I wanted to make sure she knew that there was a tornado warning for our area. Our friends pulled into the driveway just as I was preparing for all of us to take shelter in one of our bathrooms. None of us had any idea what was really coming our way. Our friends actually left because they were heading north and figured they would be out of the path of the storm. Within minutes of them leaving our house the storm sirens sounded for a second time and we lost power. I later came to find out that our friends saw the tornado touch down in their rear view mirror and were luckily able to take shelter in the nearby mall. Even though they are safe I regret not making them stay. I would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to them.
The sound of the tornado was like nothing I had ever heard before. If you've never heard one, it really does sound much like a freight train, but more terrifying. Living in the Midwest, this was not my first time huddled in the bathroom, but this was definitely the first time I had ever heard that sound. I understood what was happening, but I had no idea the magnitude or how close it was to my house. I actually had Facebook up on my phone and read that the tornado was near 13th and Rangeline - a mere two blocks from our home. Within an hour I would understand how fortunate my family was that night.
When it was over Rob went outside. He came back and said that there were pieces of siding and insulation all over the yard, but none of it was from our house. He said he was going to walk to the end of the street and come back. It felt like he was gone for hours. In that time a good friend showed up at our house because he couldn't get a hold of us by phone. He asked if I knew how bad it was. I had no idea. He just said that it was really bad, and emphasized that fact by informing me that Home Depot was leveled. He told me to get our stuff together so we could head north to his house, which was unaffected by the tornado. When my husband finally came home, he told me that places I frequent for our groceries - Wal-Mart and Aldi - were destroyed. He told me about helping a badly injured woman at Sonic. He described more buildings and businesses that were gone. It would be days before I saw it with my own eyes.
In the days that have followed, we have served as best we can. My husband has been able to use his military and management experience to help set up and run a distribution center. I have baked and prayed and baked and prayed. I am blessed to be able to serve friends in my home with food, fellowship and laundry. Although I saw pictures of the devastation online and on TV and I tried to take care of people, it still wasn't real to me for several days. I still hadn't seen what had happened to my city for myself.
When I finally drove through Joplin on Thursday and saw the devastation for myself, I felt like the "bad dream" feeling I had had all week finally lifted. This was reality. My city was in ruins. My first instinct was to take my family and run away. Anyone who knows me knows that in the past I would have done anything to get out of this town. Now I wonder if I will ever be able to leave. My heart is full of love for this city. This is home. I wish it didn't take such destruction for me to realize that.
As of right now, I am still processing. I am trying to understand how my home and family could be completely spared when just a few blocks away people lost everything, some even their lives. The combination of guilt and thankfulness is strange and overwhelming. I am in awe of the love being poured out on this city from all over the country and even the world. I am blessed by seeing the response of the church. The bride of Christ is shining brightly in Joplin. There is much I don't understand, but I know that God is sovereign. His ways are not our ways, and His glory will be revealed in all of this. He has not forsaken Joplin. No, quite the opposite. He is the God of this city! That song keeps running through my mind - "Greater things are yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city." Lord, let your glory be known here.
Joplin will recover. God's glory will be revealed. Greater things are yet to come, indeed.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
And so we wait...
"Then I heard the voice of the LORD saying, 'Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?' And I said, 'Here am I. Send me!'" ~ Isaiah 6:8
We wait on graduation.
We wait on summer.
Above all we wait on God.
God is shaping us as we wait. He is teaching us patience, teaching us to trust. He is teaching us to see a bigger picture.
We had a dream of serving Him overseas. That dream did not play out the way we would have planned, but I am reminded that His plans are always better than our own. Our primary goal above all else is to serve....where we are, as we are. Contentment is a hard thing to come by, but even if we never do anything "big" (by human standards), we will learn to be content.
So we wait. While learning to be content right where we are, we wait.
We wait for an open door.
We wait for God to move. To move us...and we will go wherever He leads.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Our Little Gracie Girl
Our beautiful little Grace Evangeline entered the world at 12:57 am on January 26th.
7lb 2 oz, 19.5 in
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Gifts and Ponderings
Lulls in blogging that go on for multiple months seem to be my new thing.
I don't really have anything to say, but I feel like God is stirring words in my heart.
They may not be written for a long time (or ever), but He's working on something in me. If I blog and share again, I don't want it to be about me. I don't want to try to sound like someone else or worry that my space on the internet is not the prettiest or most technologically savvy. I just want to say what He has put on my heart to say and have it be all about Him and His glory.
That's where I am right now.
Today I am celebrating the second birthday of my sweet, bright, ball of energy little boy. It is his birthday, but I feel like I am the one who has truly received a beautiful gift by being given the privilege of being his mama.
Merry Christmas, friends. May we all remember the true gift we have been given. It does not come wrapped in shiny paper and bows but rather in swaddling clothes. It is not given by a man in a red suit but rather by an almighty loving God.
I don't really have anything to say, but I feel like God is stirring words in my heart.
They may not be written for a long time (or ever), but He's working on something in me. If I blog and share again, I don't want it to be about me. I don't want to try to sound like someone else or worry that my space on the internet is not the prettiest or most technologically savvy. I just want to say what He has put on my heart to say and have it be all about Him and His glory.
That's where I am right now.
Today I am celebrating the second birthday of my sweet, bright, ball of energy little boy. It is his birthday, but I feel like I am the one who has truly received a beautiful gift by being given the privilege of being his mama.
Merry Christmas, friends. May we all remember the true gift we have been given. It does not come wrapped in shiny paper and bows but rather in swaddling clothes. It is not given by a man in a red suit but rather by an almighty loving God.
Friday, May 7, 2010
The Dishes Can Wait
Lately Eli has been especially clingy and in need of my attention. I have found myself getting frustrated with his constant need to be near me as I think about all of the things that need to be done around the house. I'm embarrassingly behind on so many projects, and I can't seem to find the time to get them done. I feel like there are not enough hours in the day to accomplish everything. If he didn't need me so much, maybe I'd get more done.
But then I look into the big hazel eyes of that sweet boy and realize that I don't want to miss a single second. I always thought that people were exaggerating when they said that kids grow up too fast. Surely that wasn't true. I see the truth in that statement now. The past 16 months have gone by faster than I ever imagined. My tiny baby boy is a busy, smart, inquisitive toddler. He loves testing his independence, but he still needs his mama very much.
I may never catch up around the house. The overgrown flower bed in the front yard may never be tilled and replanted. As much as part of me wants to do those things, a much larger part of me realizes that my baby may not always want me to cuddle with him and play games and read stories. He'll grow up and won't need me (or at least he'll think he won't - we've all learned that lesson, haven't we?). I want to cherish these moments. So what if the dishes sit in the sink a little longer? Throwing a ball, reading a story, or just giving a hug are far more important. It is also moments like this when I say an extra prayer for babies who want nothing more than to have a mama to hold them and for mommies who are waiting on Heaven to hold their precious babies.
Now I hear a sweet voice chattering away in his room, just waking up from a nap. It's time to play!
But then I look into the big hazel eyes of that sweet boy and realize that I don't want to miss a single second. I always thought that people were exaggerating when they said that kids grow up too fast. Surely that wasn't true. I see the truth in that statement now. The past 16 months have gone by faster than I ever imagined. My tiny baby boy is a busy, smart, inquisitive toddler. He loves testing his independence, but he still needs his mama very much.
I may never catch up around the house. The overgrown flower bed in the front yard may never be tilled and replanted. As much as part of me wants to do those things, a much larger part of me realizes that my baby may not always want me to cuddle with him and play games and read stories. He'll grow up and won't need me (or at least he'll think he won't - we've all learned that lesson, haven't we?). I want to cherish these moments. So what if the dishes sit in the sink a little longer? Throwing a ball, reading a story, or just giving a hug are far more important. It is also moments like this when I say an extra prayer for babies who want nothing more than to have a mama to hold them and for mommies who are waiting on Heaven to hold their precious babies.
Now I hear a sweet voice chattering away in his room, just waking up from a nap. It's time to play!
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